humor · Spiritual

The Iceman Freezith (and it ain’t so toasty here)

Jana Greene
iceman
For today’s blog graphic, I am using an actual National Geographic image of “The Iceman” A.K.A. ÖTzi.  The Iceman was found to have 61 tattoos, which – in my opinion – he had done because the continual jabbing of many  needles took his mind off of the COLD.  
He lived around 3,300 BC – during the Chalcolithic, or copper age – and his incredibly well-preserved remains were trapped in glacial ice for more than 5,000 years until his eventual discovery in 1991, by German tourists hiking in the alps near the border of Austria and Italy. Don’t say I never taught you anything. As you can see, OTzi (???) was clearing reaching for something at the time of his frozen-ass demise. My theory is that his wife was hogging the Pittsburgh Steelers stadium blanket and he was just trying to get a piece (of the blanket.) You know she could have shared a LITTLE of it. Mrs. OTzi was the Titanic’s Rose of her time. JUST SCOOT OVER ALREADY.

By: Jana Greene

Just a little hardy-har-har to thaw my sense of humor out. I’m trying to blog more often, so you get to read more pieces (oh boy!) I’m also trying to cut down on the length of some of the lighter items. And I’d like to punctuate the more serious pieces with things that might actually be fun to read, if not edifying.

It’s COLD here, ya’ll. Ok, maybe not to some of you Nanooks of the North. But here in NC, we’re not equipped to deal with such tundra-like conditions. I think our town has one snowplow, total. We are supposed to get snow, and we live at the beach, so for each snowflake that hits the ground (whether or not it sticks to the ground) is an hour they call off school / government buildings / bridges / and just about everything else. Stay warm ya’ll!

Diary entry: Decembruary 2, in the year of our Lord (Jack Frost) 2018.

We can hear the hail hit all around the house and on the roof. At least I hope it’s hail, and not brimstone. That would suck.

When I look out the windows, every walking surface is covered in a thick layer of ice. No thanks. I have trouble walking on the regular ground.

We are down to 1 1/2 loaves of bread. I suppose we’ll die.

The storm has the cats super freaked out; so much so that they are all napping right through it. Brave souls.

Hoping for actual snow, but because I live at the actual beach, I would have to make snow angels in my super unflattering, middle-aged woman skorted, bathing suit.

I am currently laying under 7 blankets. One is a Steelers stadium blanket, so it counts as 3 additional.

We have no Cheeze-its.

We have Nacho Doritos.

I guess this is how the Donner Party must have felt.

Published by Jana Greene

I'm Jana and I write about the things that give me joy, help me cope, set me straight, and light my path. Recovery, relationships, spirituality, plant medicine, and assorted struggles and passions.

4 thoughts on “The Iceman Freezith (and it ain’t so toasty here)”

  1. That’s funny. My response is short so you can run back to bed with your Steeler’s blanket. (Stolen Steeler’s blanket?) Careful, don’t wake the cats. You don’t want to take time for cat food, or to share you 11/2 loaf of bread. 😀

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  2. This was so much fun to read! Thank you for sharing it. I hope you warm up soon. Also that your cats can somehow find a healthy way to cope. : )

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