By: Jana Greene
Happy New Year, dear Readers! I hope your 2017 was awesome, but for me it was a virtual cascade of sh*t storm after sh*t storm. So SEE YA, 2017. And welcome 2018. Please Lord Jesus, make it better!
Last night, I picked up my 17 year recovery chip. THIS IS A MIRACLE. I’m not sure anyone outside of the program understands the significance and representation of a simple coin with no value outside of recovery circles. Anyway….
At tonight’s 12 Step Meeting, I got to say a few words to the crowd – what an honor- and I didn’t sugarcoat a thing. It went a little something like this:
How did i do it? Stay over 17 years?
Even a year ago, I would have said it’s only Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
But this year my answer is different.
God’s grace is always, always available to us, but let’s face it. Most of us are here because our natural default is to numb out. Grace or no grace, obliterating can be our inclination. I don’t care how long you’ve been sober, and that’s the truth.
As a matter of fact, this past year year was the hardest to maintain recovery ever. Shit hit the fan repeatedly and with endless supply. Yes, it is Jesus, Jesus,Jesus that’s kept me hanging on by the skin of my teeth, but I play a part in it too.
I learned I have to supply the willingness to surrender DAILY. Because there ain’t no graduation day for this. That’s my responsibility. I have to keep up with self care. I have to surrender my will. I have to remember what a sick drunk I was and how many people I hurt.
The rigorous honesty truth of the matter is that recently, I’ve gotten lazy about working the steps as I should. Last year kicked my ass, y’all. But I never survived any of it alone.
Holy Ghost is a gentleman in that his teaching is gentle. But he has also given us another way to ensure we are never alone. We have each other. I need you; you need me. We need our tribe, because we all GET it. We get how difficult surrender is.
No one ever woke up after a relapse grateful. But I’m grateful to have this place and so glad to be here.
Those things that kick your butt and make you doubt your recovery will always happen.
But they always pass.
Keep your recovery. It’s your choice to make it priority. Minute by minite if necessarily.
Helping each other keeps us well.
Thank you for letting me share