By: JANA GREENE

Today I’m writing a little lighter fare. This hilarious meme inspired me, because all my life I’ve longed to be a tan person.

I love the sun. I love being outdoors.

I think darker skin tones are the most beautiful.

I guess you could say (and please don’t take offense…) I’m “trans-tan,” in that I kind of “identify” as a tan person trapped in the body of a PASTY-ASS, LILLY WHITE, POTATO FAMINE-SURVIVING, PERSON FROM THE ISLAND OF CAUCUSES.

Not a drop of any nationality which might have rendered my melatonin anything but RICE got into my DNA.

When I got the 23 and Me results and saw that yep, I am officially 50 shades of mayonnaise, tbh it was was a little depressing. I am fascinated and enraptured by other cultures and places. Would have loved a little spice in my plain oatmeal.

But buying makeup is easy…give me the foundation shades “Walk towards the Light,” or “Antarctic Albino,” and I’ll be on my merry way.