deconstruction · Spiritual

Yes, I Have a Faith Reconstructed (And Yes, I DO Know Jesus)

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By: JANA GREENE

“If you are spiritually deconstructing, you never knew Jesus in the first place.”

I hear this refrain over and over again. It’s the most invalidating thing you can say to someone who is rebuilding a faith life, because it requires no questions asked. A quick, pat explanation to justify one’s traditional beliefs that people who deconstruct are fallen. Deceived.

No fuss, no muss. Easy-peasy. If you are questioning the inerrancy of the Bible, you were never a “believer” in the first place. Which is both harshly judgmental – and frankly – nobody’s call to make about someone else’s person’s personal faith.

But that would be a wildly assumptive dismissal, because it’s for my love of Jesus I began questioning.

It’s because Jesus is SO real to me that I started this journey.

Either Jesus was who he said he was, or he wasn’t.

Either God is a god of warring, or of peace.

Either God is a god of unconditional love, or none at all.

Either God is a just god, or a corrupt one.

Either “it is finished,” or it is not.

And that’s far more important to me than believing a grown-ass man was swallowed by a whale and lived three days in its body “vomited out Jonah upon the dry land.”

We learn the Old Testament stories in Vacation Bible School, right out of the gate. Horror stories.

Abraham being willing to sacrifice his son, only to have God say just kidding! Just had to make sure you would snuff out the life of the child you prayed so long for, and I rewarded you with. Is God manipulative, or loving?

The nature of God is not – in my travails – sending a catastrophic flood to drown all of his creation – excepting one family he deemed righteous. For that righteous man who would later get drunk and have sex with his daughters to propagate the species (with even more beings that God knew good and damn well would also become corrupt in their humanity.)

I no longer believe it, because of the teachings of Jesus himself. The Bible contradicts itself in the most dangerous way, because it teaches that you’d better get your belief system right OR. ELSE. It’s the ultimate test of “getting it right.” And we humans are not so good at getting things right, as a general rule.

Does that sound like Jesus to you? Examine the humanity of Jesus; not just the divinity.

I am not at all anti-Bible. I am Bible-in-context of history and allegory. And the grace and justice and righteous table-turning of Jesus? I am definitely “pro” that.

“I guess you’ll find out when you die and spend eternity broiling in Hell,” they say, when you deconstruct.

To which I say, the Jesus I study and know is not about eternal conscious torment. “Turn or Burn” is loaded with law, as opposed to grace.

“You can question God about “x” but never “y.” and CERTAINLY not “z.” they tout.

Except that you can, because it’s the nature of humanity. And every good relationship requires excellent communication, why would this be any different?

I have no desire to throw “the baby out with the bathwater” – Jesus out with the organized religion. Lo, I say unto thee, in my quest of soul-searching, he came out on top.

“Love one another,” says he. And everything else he ever says orbits around that one concept.

So question, child of God. Let the Holy Spirit roam around free-range in your soul, unconstrained by thousands of years of human dogma, politics, and legalism. Ask the Spirit to show you what is true and what matters most in the ancient book. Sit with the Spirit as Jesus sat with his disciples, just chillin’ with the homies. Just BEING; not striving.

Oh, I did know Jesus “in the first place,” but not as I know him now.

Not as part of a Jekyll and Hyde spiritual pairing. Not as one whom I will have to hide behind when I get to Heaven, so as not to upset the father with my humanity. Not as one whose grace hinges on us “getting it right.”

But as One with us, whole in love; full of grace. One who sits with me in my darkest hour. One who set the example of turning the other cheek and made repeated declarations that “the greatest of these is LOVE.”

It is for freedom you have been set free, Loves.

God bless us, everyone.