Rembrandt – Jacob Wrestling
By: Jana Greene
Yesterday I fell violently ill, the kind of sick that you crawl on all fours to the bathroom and end up sprawled out on the floor because whats the point of going anywhere else? I couldn’t hold down so much as an ice chip.
It was the kind of sick that you feel you might die and don’t really care if you do. I told my husband, who lovingly cared for me, that the last time I was that horribly ill was the night before I got sober in January 2001. There, on another bathroom floor, I was broken and sick, and wrestled mightily with God.
For some reason, God has chosen to meet me on the floor of a bathroom repeatedly. It’s kind of my personal “Peniel.”
“… But Jacob stayed behind by himself, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he couldn’t get the best of Jacob as they wrestled, he deliberately threw Jacob’s hip out of joint.
The man said, “Let me go; it’s daybreak.”
Jacob said, “I’m not letting you go ’til you bless me.”
The man said, “What’s your name?”
He answered, “Jacob.”
The man said, “But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on it’s Israel (God-Wrestler); you’ve wrestled with God and you’ve come through.”
Jacob asked, “And what’s your name?”
The man said, “Why do you want to know my name?” And then, right then and there, he blessed him.
Jacob named the place Peniel (God’s Face) because, he said, “I saw God face-to-face and lived to tell the story!”
The sun came up as he left Peniel, limping because of his hip. (This is why Israelites to this day don’t eat the hip muscle; because Jacob’s hip was thrown out of joint.)
– Genesis 32″:22-32 (MSG)
There is nothing like being a collapsed heap on the floor and yet still feeling the presence of God. On the verge of going to the hospital, I tried to will myself to be well. I tried to bargain with God. I wrestled him much like I did on January 2, 2001.
I’m not letting you go until you bless me. And he does.
It astounds me that the force that created the entire universe is not too proud to come hang out with me when I am at my worst. Isn’t that amazing? Sometimes a prayer can be a whimper, but he shows up just the same.
And this morning I consumed and managed to hold down some flat Sprite and toast. Glorious, glorious TOAST.
I guess the moral of this story is that God meets you where you are, whether it be on the floor of a bathroom or a regal palace; whether it be a life-altering and radical thing like getting sober, or having a wretched 24-hour stomach bug.
Sometimes, we come away limping.
I don’t know why some people get almost never get sick, and some people are sick chronically, and why other people die from disease. Theology and biology are not my strong suits.
All I know is that if you cling to Abba, you win any which way. Perhaps dying for the believer is not a triumph for disease, but a respite from a race well-run and finished. To see God face to face is certainly no hardship. You’ve still wrestled with God and come through.
The sun came up when Jacob left Peniel. And then right then and there (God) blessed him. Limp notwithstanding.
Today I am grateful for healing. I’m grateful for My Beloved who went above and beyond (as is his way) for me. I’m grateful for my kitty cats who parked out with me flanking each side of my body and not leaving my side (who says cats don’t have feelings?) all day long. I’m grateful for dry toast and flat Sprite.
But most of all, I’m grateful for my Heavenly Father, and his capacity for comforting us wrestlers. I do love him so.
A prayer can be a whimper, but he shows up just the same.
Musings of a Gypsy Soul 
I am so glad for the joy, Howard! I’m sorry for your struggle, this life is HARD. It often feels like when one thing starts to get resolved and another knocks the wind out of us. But ah, the Spirit will not leave us alone, thankfully. He is a PURSUER. God bless y0u. Sending prayers your way.
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To the wonderful reader named Howard who left such a heartfelt comment, THANK YOU. I went to approve it and accidentally deleted it. Blargh! This technology thing, oy vey. God bless you, and may Holy Spirit continue to pursue you.
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