Making Peace With Un-Togetherness, (and receiving a little happiness in return)

By- Jana Greene

Let’s talk about the illusion of having it all together, because so many of us think so many others of us have accomplished this THING – “having it all together”….

I received this PM on Instagram yesterday and it kind of blew my mind. I thought it was a joke. It made me want to look behind me in cyber-space and see who the hell she is talking about. She doesn’t know me, obviously.

But I cannot tell you how many times I have told Bob, “So-and-So really has her sh*t together,” or “why can’t I just get it together!?” In my mind, so many of you just have your lives on point.

You aren’t 50 freaking years old and have no idea what you are doing with your life. I envy that, because I never really had a career. I very literally have NO idea what I am doing with my life right now. Awaiting orders from God, I guess? Not sure if he is sending me my destiny via Pony Express or what….

So many of you seem to have perfect children, clean houses, self-respect. You read the Bible every day, sometimes even first thing in the morning! Some of you even have daily vlogs to encourage your Christian friends. OMG, there’s a part of me that SO wishes I were more like you!

In this world of “having it together,” I assume nobody else had had a pair of underwear from the laundry fall out of the leg of her jeans while walking in the mall.

People who have it together aren’t obsessed with food. They take walks in their smart, sassy, spandex workout clothes (clothes made just for working out! What a concept!) while I am lucky to schlep to the mailbox with use of my cane, taking care to wear something that looks like clothing but is really just pajamas, because I don’t have the energy to get dressed.

Together people don’t show up for a doctor’s appointment on the wrong day. With the wrong doctor. Their closets have organizers. Their cats never poop outside the box. Their homes smell like lavender. Theirs skin smells like essential oils. I’m doing good to remember deodorant.

When you “have it together,” I don’t think you have blowouts with your adult children on occasion. I’m pretty sure a together person doesn’t wring her hands with anxiety when in the produce section of the grocery store, because STRAWBERRIES or APPLES? I. DON’T. KNOW. A together person would be confident about fruit, for crying out loud. And also about making great – even bigger! – life choices. Like buying chocolate.

They don’t apologize when other people run into them, have to use fingers and toes to count on brain foggy days, or eat their feelings because they are having the third Nervy-b of the week.

Together people can SIP wine, I hear tell! (As a recovering alcoholic, I’ll never understand that one. I thought wine that cane in a box was the best, most enabling invention ever.)

But here’s the thing – as I get to know some of you more, your humanness starts to show, and it’s glorious. I am glad that you don’t have it all together.

Because quirkiness if gift, dammit. Unwrap that thing! You are actually more endearing to me if your life is not in pristine order. So why do I feel like my own life should be quirk-Free?

Happiness escapees me at times, too, But when I accept that having it all together is a myth anyway, it frees me up to receive happiness again.

Maybe NONE of us have it all together. And maybe that’s a really good thing. I don’t know. I just felt like maybe comparison is a thief of joy and needed to be called out.


Dear Lady who PM’d me on Instagram to admire my ‘together’ life,

Bless your heart. I pray that you and I both let go the concept of having it all together. Because it’s a big, fat lie and illusion. You have it together more than you think!


The Hot Mess Express Conductor. All aboard!

8 thoughts on “Making Peace With Un-Togetherness, (and receiving a little happiness in return)

  1. What CAN i say but, BRAVO…you are sure “doing” enough as you lay bare your soul on a daily basis. You are broken bread and poured out wine for all who know you, for all who will humbly and thankfully partake.


  2. The feeling I get when I go to someone else’s house and see that it’s at least as messy as mine (which is hard to do) gives me a really good feeling. Unless of course it’s my daughter’s apartment, but that’s another story. I don’t believe anybody has it all together. Thanks for reminding me.


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