Aliens, Plague, and the Less Exciting Truth

Where’s the Kaboom?

Where’s the BOOM? There is supposed to be an earth-shattering KABOOM!


Day eleventy-seven of The Pestilence, Novembuary 213th, in the year of our Lord, twenty-two-thrice. Or is it just Two-thousand-twenty, on its third round. Nobody knows.

Remember the Heaven’s Gate Cult, where they all donned Orange jumpsuits and Nike shoes? Rememeber how they hitched a ride on that big ol space rodeo bull in the sky, the Hale Bopp comet? They’re prolly just a’whizzin around like Major Tom, living their best well-shod, androgynous lives in their matching outfits and heeding the teachings of DOE, their leader.

I was really hoping for Aliens, y’all. Aliens selling travel packages to destinations beyond, aliens sharing recipes with us, aliens gathering us all around a campfire to regale us with stories of going through Wormholes, aliens that look like Marvin the Martian and are inept and neurotic, just like us. (Hey, it’s my fantasy, don’t try to slip any violence into my fantasy. I’m sure there are lots of dire War of the Worlds fans who blog about DOOM. I’ll be right over here dressing up ET in wigs and having tea with him, before helping him phone home. (Take me with you! This place is NUTS.)

Keep in mind I am writing this with a Covid-addled brain, raw from watching the news all week – you know … the news that I said I wasn’t going to watch anymore.? The fever is frying my brain like an egg.

Ok hear me out. Perhaps all the recent UFO activity is just a bunch of nice, big-headed Grays, who came here to try get us outta here? Chinese weather balloon? Or last-ditch effort to spring us from this planet by benevolent, if not terrifying looking, Guardian of the Galaxy.

And of course I’m joking, silly.

They are probably just Russian military crafts carrying payloads of WMD so HAHA jokes on

WHEW! We thought it was ALIENS! But no. It’s just the same old schmuck world leaders with psychosis, messiah complexes, and burning hatred, living THEIR best lives, so that the quality of the other 99% of us suffer, and often die for THEIR cause, and ultimately run out of toilet paper.

But I guess as long as the 1% get to live (and wipe their asses, that’s all that matters.

I’ll take Marvin’s Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator ANYDAY over the terrorizing warmongers of my own species.

Besides, didn’t Marvin have a SPACE DOG?? Yes, PLEASE.

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