By: Jana Greene
I’d written the post I’d set out to write for the blog, but hesitated to hit “publish”.
It was a pretty raw piece about addiction and motherhood; two things I have experience with that often end up awkward bedfellows in my writing. Addiction and motherhood don’t belong in a single story, but long ago they had an affair, and the resulting lovechild was a story about my grieving choices I had made but reveling in the grace of Christ.
Still staring at the glow of the laptop screen. Perhaps I shouldn’t put this ‘out there’, I thought, finger hovering over the enter button.
Some Christians will be offended. They will judge me twice; once for being the person I was, and again for admitting to being that person. They might think I am playing fast and loose with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, a poor representation of a Christian. I would never want to do that.
And – far more importantly – what about those who don’t know Jesus yet?
Still, I can’t shake the urgency to write about these things, to ‘put them out there’. So I pray….
”God, first let me do no harm.” A spiritual Hippocratic Oath of sorts –“ let me do no harm to Your name”.
Be the beggar, I feel Him saying. Stop trying to “bake”…..
Sometimes, writing, I feel like a rebel deserter of my formerl self; a New Creation counting on Christ to do the jousting because I am rusty from old war injuries. A grateful and humble flawed veteran…not measuring up to what the world thinks a Christian should always be, but gratefully not of this world.
Old war stories sometimes need to be told, and telling half-truths distorts history.
I press the Enter button to Publish. And revel in the grace of Christ.